Reaction

Immediately after an injury, our body's system of protection, our immune system, kicks into gear. It's sole purpose is to keep us functional, keep us alive. This system starts many reactions to assist in bringing our body back to it's normal function. We have 3 layers to our immune system. The 1st layer is our skin or outer barrier. This one is easy to understand. It focuses on keeping all the "bad stuff" out and the "good stuff" in. If we have a healthy barrier between the outside world and our inside world, then we can continue to function in a normal or balanced way. What happens if something breaks that barrier? What if we experience a puncture of our skin? It creates an opening for unwelcomed outside things to get into our inside world and it is quickly recognized by our ever watchful immune system as a danger to our wellbeing and the attack begins.

My 4 year old self had no understanding of the activities occurring in the darkness. She didn't understand them at 5 or 6 or 7. But she was able to feel the violation of her barriers and her system of protection recognized that the natural barrier had been broken and some "bad stuff" was getting in. A reaction of my immune system occurred and it began to fire many attacks to try to protect against this dangerous activity. I have spent the entirety of my life trying to understand how I knew the activity occurring in those dark times was "bad" and why it has such a huge impact to our sense of wellbeing. I believe we have a spiritual immune system as well as a physiological one. I've landed on the belief that we came to our mortal lives with a spiritual awareness. I'm sure there are many names for this, depending on the traditions we are raised in. For me, I believe it is a deep understanding that sits within us that isn't always accessible to our minds, but is there nevertheless. It whispers to us all of our lives helping us to know the difference between truth and lies, harmful and helpful, mortal and eternal. I didn't have the ability to put language around the activity. I didn't have the ability to contextualize or compartmentalize or any of the sophisticated processing most adults won't even do when it comes to this topic. But I knew it wasn't supposed to be happening and I felt the assault in my entire being, both physically and spiritually.

Eventually, I would assign meaning to it, based on my immature emotional understanding. Those assigned meanings were very detrimental to me. That's what happens when war breaks out. Wars don't only kill the "bad guys". War initiates violent attacks that kill indiscriminately. My immune response launched an attack to keep me safe, but it didn't have a super sophisticated missile guidance system. It simply launched it's weapons and they landed everywhere.

In the immune system, there are many factors that contribute to the outcome. We hear of "strong or weak" immune systems. What makes it strong or weak? Do we have the right nutritional factors so that it can perform it's functions? Are we getting enough rest so it can store up enough energy to sustain a prolonged attack? These factors are unique to each one of us. No one has the exact same physiology as another, so each one of us has a unique immune system and response.

Let's talk about the nutrients that contributed to my early immunity. My family is amazing. The matriarchy is legendary. Let's start with the Burr Girls. I don't know when that label first emerged, but it's legacy stands strong today. My mother is 1 of 5 daughters born of Leo and Clara Burr. She is the middle daughter and sits between 2 older sisters and 2 younger sisters. Their mother, Clara, had rheumatic fever as a child and developed heart issues which would result in a stroke, 2 bypass surgeries and her passing at 59 years old.

The 5 sisters maintained a connected relationship throughout their lives that continues to this day. What this meant is that we were always around our aunts, watching our mother and her sisters manage their lives and families as a collective. It wasn't just that we got together at reunions and occasional visits, it was an ongoing conversation between the women that aided and supported each of their individual trials and triumphs. I saw them discussing the hardships they were facing in their marriages, in raising their children and the tedious day to day challenges. I saw them celebrating their nieces and nephews accomplishments and milestones. I saw them as they worried about their mother, each other and the world. My aunts corrected me, encouraged me, fed me, guided me and provided unmeasurable amounts of support during the rocky seas of our lives. They were and still are the very micronutrients that bolstered my immunity throughout my life.

When I close my eyes I can picture my grandmother. I can feel her. I can almost hear her. I spent my earliest days in the kitchen with her being taught to "clean up as I go so you don't have a big mess at the end." She rubbed my back and legs when the growing pains hit. She pampered my grandfather. All he had to say was "do we have any ice cream?" and the scurry to present him with a bowl began. There were butter mints in a wooden bowl on top of the fridge. After grandpa finished his big homemade lunch and short nap under the swamp cooler in the hall, he would be off to work again. Grandma would then get a cold bottle of soda and watch 'Days of our Lives'. On occasion I could hear my grandpa say as he was leaving "Clara and her program". She sat in her wooden rocker with a green pad on the seat and pull it up close to the TV to take her 1 hour break before starting her daily activities again. She mostly wore dresses, with a few 2 piece pant suits sprinkled in. Her dark hair was beautiful and I loved that it was sprinkled with a few gray hairs. She was always waiting at the door for our arrival. Even when we traveled into the late night. She was there to greet us with huge hugs and a brimming smile. I knew she loved us. I knew she would always love me. I understood unconditional love from her every action, every word and every look. My mother has many of her qualities.

These amazing women set the stage for my immune system. They provided constant nutrition to ensure it had all it needed to perform it's duties. They also assisted in the detoxification process to help me eliminate the poisons that were constantly invading my heart and mind. They modeled perseverance as they tackled the hardships of their own lives and relationships with grace, beauty and humor. Their homes were decorated and cared for with a relentless passion for creating beauty in all they did. They loved their children from every fiber of their being and taught me how to do the same thing.

During one of the many Oprah shows, she interviewed a man who was an expert on child development. She asked him why some children that go through significant trauma in their childhood are able to rise above it and some are not. I perked up at this question because I wanted to know if I was going to "make it" or not. He explained that it was because somewhere in their lives, they saw that the abuse (or whatever they were dealing with) wasn't "normal". They saw another way to be in the world that provided a contrast to the things they were experiencing. I found relief in that statement and have carried it with me since. I had seen a world without abuse. There were many pieces of my world that contained love, joy and hope. I'm so grateful for that. I wasn't able to always feel it or see it. The darkness could engulf me and did many times in the first few decades of my life. But I did know a different way of being. And I used all my might to fight against the war that was raging within me.