OUCH!

What injuries require healing?

How many of us first perform triage on our injuries? Think of when a toddler falls. What is the first thing we do? Do we assess the injury? How bad is it?

So let's do it, let's assess the injury. What kind of injury is it? Is it acute (singular traumatic injury)? Is it chronic (occurs over time due to repetitive microtrauma)? We do this assessment so we know what actions to take. It's a good thing right? Well, not in every instance. In some instances, we use this assessment to tell ourselves we don't require any healing. We are FINE. How many "you are fine" voices rattle around in your head? Let's go back to our toddler example and understand the reason we tell our little ones they are fine. It is to bring them out of their fear and into the comfort we are there to offer. We got you, you are fine, no need to fear. It is a good thing we offer. Comfort, safety, security. As a mother, I am QUEEN of the "you are fine". I'd like to change the way I comfort, the way I offer security to those I am entrusted with. Why do I want to change it? Because I've learned that the "I am fine" model can create a pattern of ignoring injuries which allows for festering and chronic conditions to occur. We can have faith that acknowledgement of the injury is in fact the first step of the assessment process. So let's start with the acknowledgement of the injury by simply meeting the injured party where they are. Are they in pain? "That looks like it hurts". Are they frightened? "That looks like it was scary".

When I was 4 years old, my life got scary. I remember snippets of life before the scary but mostly understand it from the old photos my family has along with the stories told me by my aunts. My brother and I are 13 months apart. In most early childhood photos you will see us side by side. At one point people would ask my mother "are they twins"? We spent most of those early years living in Moab, Utah with our grandparents. Grandma, Grandpa, mom and my brother in a red brick home in a cul-de-sac in the warmth of the Utah southeastern desert. Behind the house there was an apple orchard and I felt safe and loved.

One snippet memory is of a man that came to the house and brought me a doll. I remember being shy and not wanting to come close to the man, but I was encouraged to come and see the doll he had brought me. It was a gift and I needed to be gracious to the giver. I still don't know if that man was my biological father or my soon to be step father, but this feeling would be the beginning of a life long, chronic feeling that would require healing.

Another snippet memory was moving to our new house in Brigham City, Utah. My mother, brother and I are sitting at the kitchen table. Mom is explaining our new life. It is with our new step father. We no longer live with our grandparents and I'm not sure I like it at this new house. It seems dark and scary. I have brief memories of my brother and I being outside on the sidewalk on our trike. I can remember brief pictures of the layout of that first house. Then came the moment when my baby sister arrived. I remember being in the back seat of the car going to pick her up or bring her home. That was a happy memory.

But then the darkness came. There is a dark room and there are dark requests made of me. My stepfather wants something from me and I'm scared. I don't like it. I want it to stop. It's a secret. Why is it a secret? I'm really confused and just want to go back to Moab, back to safety, back to my sunny, warm, safe life.

The dark requests would continue for years. I associate my age during those years by the houses we lived in. We moved to the Bear River City, Utah house after the twins were born. Beautiful identical twin girls. I adored them! I was the oldest girl and quickly took my place as "2nd mother" to all the girls. It was a role assigned to me and I was proud of it for a time. After a while it would become a burden and I grew to resent it. At some point after we had lived in that house for a while, the routine dark request was once again made. I pulled away and my step father said "if you don't want to, we don't have to" and let me get out of the bed. What do you mean if I don't want to? This is one of the first moments I remember the thoughts going through my head. I recognized the manipulation in that sentence but didn't have the sophistication to really process it. I also felt what it was meant to imply - it was my fault it was happening. The battle to heal that injury has taken it's toll on me the majority of my life. That injury has required extensive wound management.

There were many other injuries from my childhood. My mother suffered physical injuries at the hands of my step father. So did my brother. There were beatings disguised as spankings. Rage filled arguments that left blood on the wall where my step father missed hitting my mother and hit the door jam instead. I saw the bruises on my mothers back, the lumps on her head. I saw her run to the farmhouse to escape his brutality. I remember a night when she had locked him out and he pounded on the window to get back in. I was terrified he was going to break the window. She let him in and we went to bed. Everything was fine. The morning came and we went on with our lives as if nothing had happened. "You're fine".

Why do I bring up these dark stories? Why be so public about the pain and dysfunction of my family history? The reason is quite simple - to model acknowledgment of the injury as the 1st step to injury assessment so that we can apply the proper healing protocols and move from injury to healing and balance.

Dysfunction can take root in our bodies and lives. It can take time to understand, to get to the root causes and then to remove. I thought when I turned 18 and gained my independence that I would simply leave behind the dysfunction. What I didn't understand is that the effort to heal was going to be immense. The good news is I had many loving family members, friends and mentors that would teach me and model for me all along the way. I also have a loving Heavenly Father that would provide all that was required to bring healing to my body, mind and soul. Line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, there a little, healing comes.

I want to acknowledge the little girl within me and let her know "I see your pain". "It looks like that was scary". "I am here with you and will sit with you until you feel better". "You are not alone in your pain and fear". "We will find a way to heal this injury together". "Take all the time you need, there is no need to rush. We got this. I got you".

A key understanding that has come to me more recently is that emotions can take up residency in our body and cause our bodies to become dysfunctional. Years ago my sister, Marcy, introduced a wonderful book to us called "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol K. Truman. In this book, she suggests that "unresolved, repressed and suppressed negative feelings you thought you had taken care of - feelings you thought were dead and gone, could be causing suffering. When negative feelings are not resolved as they occur, these feelings remain very much alive in our physical energy field (body) and affect each day of our lives. In other words "Feelings buried alive, never die"." She goes on to suggest that "somehow, somewhere, in some aspect of our lives these negative feelings WILL be realized. They will make themselves known when you least expect it. Those buried negative feelings may suddenly - after smoldering or fermenting for who knows how long - become apparent in your physical well-being. How? Through dis-ease. Or, the effects of these buried feelings could be exhibited in your relationships. Perhaps these feelings will become evident in your mental, emotional or financial well-being. Take your pick...one or all!"

Whether we are dealing with an acute physical injury, a chronic physical injury, an acute emotional injury or a chronic emotional injury, healing is required. I want to also acknowledge we can get stuck in the pain of an injury. I am not advocating we sit in the pain and stew or ferment in it. We can all develop important survival skills to assist us in our life's journey and sometimes that survival depends on our ability to brush ourselves off and keep going. Sometimes we don't have time or energy to "feel the pain". I get it, trust me. I've brushed myself off and put on a brave face many times and that was exactly what my life required. I honor that need. Likewise, I honor the need to at some point, sit down and assess what has occurred. What damage has been done and what healing is required? As women who take their role as caregiver very seriously, we must advocate for our own healing. If we want to ensure our families are as healthy as possible, we must model health and wellbeing for ourselves! Let's stop jumping over our healing requirements as we rush to serve those we love. Let us each find time in our own day to day to assess our own injuries by 1st acknowledging that they exist. It is only then that we will be able to effectively determine what healing protocols we must assign to ourselves to bring us back to balance and wellness.